Well I just realized that my goal for January wasn’t made. I intended to have an episode out to you guys for last month. I even know what the episode contains! I just didn’t get it done in time. This post explains a little bit about why that is.
I realize I haven’t written here in a while either. Part of that was because I went back and forth about the issue of “does anyone read the posts”? Because my feed contains both the posts and the podcasts I don’t know how many read the blog. (hint – feel free to speak up in the comments section if you do so I can get a count)
Of course then there are all the other life reasons. I experienced some seasonal depression, there were holidays, and amongst all of that I spent time pulling myself further into unhappiness because I couldn’t figure out why I had things I knew needed to be done, things I wanted to get done…but not the ability to get myself motivated enough to do it.
This is a problem I’ve had for quite a while. And I expend a decent amount of brain power beating myself up about it. I found myself at Barnes and Nobel in the self-help section a week ago quite by accident. On a lark I decided to look through the books to see if anyone had any big advice on how to get motivated. There were a few on procrastination and I picked up one that I’m going thru a little at a time. I’ll be happy to recommend it if I find that it becomes helpful. I’m sure I can’t be the only one out there with this issue.
(I may have just come up with a good idea how to get blog posts to those people who only listen to my feed.)
Anyway, one of the things the book was useful for was finding out “why” you procrastinate. At first I couldn’t answer this question. It wasn’t like I didn’t know what to do. I even liked doing a bunch of the things I keep putting off. I’m not really afraid of making a mistake while doing them. So why did I put off things like putting up a post or a podcast? Why did I promise myself tomorrow I’d write some on Guardians? Or the same with any number of things I put off? It’s certainly not the full answer…because there is a hint of fear that what I write won’t be good enough or that I’ll write it and find out it’s wrong and needs to be re-written (an upcoming post)….
But the answer is…I find so many cool ideas I want to pursue that I bury myself in projects. Podcasts (I help with 3 right now), my book (short stories to draw attraction until it’s finished), voice work (for pay or for traffic – I’ve got two parts I’m currently playing besides mine), working on my fitness (food, trainer, cardio and weights), interviews (I have 3 ARC’s to read and at least 6 other people lined up I want to interview for the podcast), critique partner auditions (5 currently “auditioning”…3 who’ve sent return scenes to critter), helping others in my circles (I have 3 people expecting me to eventually get around to reading their current projects and maybe crit for them), and the endless list of podcast novels and shows I want to listen to (don’t even ask me how many that is).
Are we seeing a trend? I simply get overwhelmed by the amount of things I need/want to do. I don’t look at it that way in the moment. When I’m thinking about how I don’t want to write right now or “I think I’ll edit that later”…it’s just this dread…this tiredness. But when I look at the larger picture it’s clear to me…why on earth would I want to do any of the things I have to do when I’ve picked so many things and have so many people counting on it to all be done NOW.
There are people waiting for new episodes of Tale Chasing, people waiting for Guardians to come out, people waiting for the voice work, and expecting me to interview them. There are people who are looking forward to seeing my fitness progress. And I’ve told them all I’m working on each thing right this minute. Though no one but me knows it….each track has the same deadline. The immediate future. I think that calls for a reason to feel overwhelmed.
So…what am I going to do about it now that I know what’s happening. It’s not a perfect plan and like the book says, the object is not to “cure” procrastination but to do it less. I was referred to a site called Team WorkPM. It is a project management site and I’ve found it useful to seperate the projects I have and list the tasks that need to be performed and in what order to get them done. That has a least let me get it all out of my head so I don’t feel like I might forget something. And knowing what to do next is helpful.
Another suggestion from the book is to pick something little and accomplish it. Even something so small as writing an email is enough to get the ball rolling. Accomplishment gains momentum the more you add to it, and the more you add to it the more motivated you are to get things done. Because you feel that you can, you know that you are capable.
The last note on how I’ve been working on this is the obvious. Stop adding to the pile until I get something significant done. I have already caught myself twice going … “no, now is not the time to take that on.” And to me that’s a huge success. (of course reading back on this post I realize that while my idea on how to help those of you who don’t read the blog is part of the “Podcast Project”…techniquely it’s a new thing to add to the list of things to do. Some habits are hard to break but at least I caught it.)
So….if any of this sounds familiar…I hope this entry helps you.
(as a side note: There are two podcasts recorded and set to be put up shortly. Guardians is on it’s 5th chapter and I’m at 8500 words. I’m set to re-write the first chapter and get it back to a crit partner. I’m doing well with my fitness and have done two training sessions and have a plan on how to get better progress. I’ve also managed to stay away from foods I shouldn’t eat and keep with the every 4 hours eat thing.)
Comments
6 responses to “Drowning…”
I totally understand and have the same problems with the procrastination and piling of tasks problems. My name is Seth and I found your podcast because I was looking for podcasts to help me in my writing. I have been working on an idea for a book for about 5 years now. I kept on getting distracted by this and that, mostly work(military: USMC). I finally decided that I am going to get this thing finished and I got back into taking it more seriously. I have several books on writing but I didn’t have anyone to actually help me write. So when I found your podcast I was overjoyed. Finally, I had found someone who is writing in the style that I am trying to write and is actually in the process of going through it right now. Who better to get advice from I thought. I have been trying to get caught up on the podcast, because I figured before I start reading your blog and actually commenting I better know what I’m talking about. I am currently on episode 12 of your podcast. I still haven’t listened to your podnovel. But after reading your post I realize that I am an idiot and really should get on the ball with it all. I have decided to say screw it and get a comment up on your blog and actually start reading your blog and get savvy on not only your podcast but your blog. Both are amazing things, each for their own reasons. I will definitely say that I have already gotten a lot out of your podcast. Heck I have 3×5 cards out when I listen to it so I can take notes on things.
So please keep doing what you are doing, putting out invaluable podcasts and blog posts. And expect to hear more comments from me in the future.
Sincerely
Seth
I know the situation well. I've inadvertently done the same thing to myself on a number of occasions, and even now am working to dig myself out from under a work load that seems overwhelming. Like you, I've stopped adding new projects, so that there's a definite end in sight to all this work. I've also started taking a long term view of what kinds of work I do when. Being a stay-at-home mom, I've realized that some times of the year are going to be better than others to work on certain heavy-duty projects (like writing a novel), and some times of the year I need to scale back to just the very basics.
I've still got a couple of weeks of hair-pulling to get through before my workload eases up, but I swear, once I get to that point, I'm sticking to a promise – no more extra work. I've got plenty on my plate.
Kimi, this post definitely rang some big bells for me.
You're an ideas person–that much is clear–but maybe you haven't quite accepted yourself for that yet. Just guessing, because I'm one too and I've had my own struggles with that. And the way you describe your situation sounds SO familiar!
We "ideas people" tend to think everyone is like that–that everyone has too many creative (or other) ideas and not enough time to put them all into play. But that's not so. If that was really true, then TV would not be nearly as popular as it is ;~)
Anyway, here are a couple of things that, in my own imperfect way, I've come up with to help me with this situation:
— Accept that I'm an ideas person and that the ideas (and/or the impulses to embark on new creative projects) will never stop. But that I can gain some perspective and control simply by accepting myself for it.
— Find a way to capture my ideas as they come, but don't act on them immediately. If I keep a record of them, and just keep adding to it, eventually I start to see some imperatives jumping out at me. Each idea I get is always "hot," and I want to do it NOW. But if I write it down, it loses some of its heat and then I can go back to the main thing(s) I was already working on. The peace of mind this brings me really helps. I remind myself, "These are all great ideas, but I cannot give life to them all. I'm only human."
— Later, I can come back to all those ideas I recorded and decide whether to act on them. And sometimes this is even better, because stuff I've learned since then helps me write a better blog post, article, short story or whatever.
— I use Whizfolders (www.whizfolders.com) to capture and organize my ideas–but it sounds like you've already found something that works great for you.
— I looked at how much I was helping others and how much that was interfering with my own creative dreams. I felt obligated to help everyone else with their writing dreams. And I've been doing that for nine years now. But I reached a point where I said, "Ya know what? I want to focus on my own biggest project for now." (a screenplay) So I made official announcements to my students and coaching clients that I was taking a sabbatical. And then I began to work on getting selfish for my own writing. I immediately got much happier!
— This is not to say I don't still want to help people. But I've narrowed it down for now to simpler things. Like writing blog posts that can help people with their fear of writing (and even this is a selfish act, because I only do it when I want to), or leaving supportive comments on my friends' Facebook profiles. Things of that nature that don't require me to take on another project.
— I've allowed myself to see that, in some situations, being selfish is called for. Because I have my own creativity to express and I'm always going to be frustrated at some level if I don't give my all to that.
— I've worked on giving myself acceptance for some daily habits that I thought were "bad" and were really adding to my procrastination (such as working in my pajamas until 2 pm). I was embarrassed that I wasn't more "together" but I was actually instinctively trying to live the free-flow of a creative person. And, ha! Other people don't care as much as I feared they would. The Schwan's guy came to deliver and it was almost noon. I was eating breakfast in my jammies. He didn't even blink an eye. He was too focused on his own imperatives to notice what I was doing. I felt so liberated! Especially because I felt no need to explain myself.
Hope this helps a little. Your blog post really helped me! Cuz even though I've worked on accepting myself more, I did feel alone with it. Just reading someone else describing the exact same problems that I have was very comforting. Thanks for your honesty!
And best of luck with everything you desire to do. Despite the feeling that you're procrastinating, you *are* achieving a lot and making a difference. And you really care. That counts for so much.
– Milli
@Seth
Thanks so much for taking a second to leave a comment and your nice words about my podcast and blog. It certainly helps to know that something I am doing is making a difference. I'm thrilled that what I intended (to help others like me) is being accomplished!
Please feel free to leave comments or voice mail and I look forward to hearing more from you. ๐
@Helen
I'll be pulling for you! The habit of adding things is so hard to break. I just did it again today and only because Milli came to read my blog did I realize I set myself up again. LOL ๐ We should set up a "too many projects anonymous"
I read the blog at least once or twice a week just to keep up to date. I listen to the podcasts while at work if there are new updates but I rarely comment on any of them…this is in fact my 1st time….I came here from one of the other blogs/casts…DeadRobots I think.